It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
