it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
