I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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