worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
ttyl tear gas
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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