Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
