I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
