people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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