Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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