okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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