Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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