why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish life had little blips of pornography
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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