It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
