Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's never too late to be topless.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
