I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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