ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
