last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
