it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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