You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
