I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
