Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize