I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
