I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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