never play flip cup with pint glasses
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
