I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
