is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize