My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
