my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
