now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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