lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
