so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize