Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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