She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
