Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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