My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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