Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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