This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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