you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
