Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
