careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
