Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
