I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Come see our sink grown plant.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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