so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
