I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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