Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
