I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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