If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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