oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
