"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think my moral compass just broke
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