My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
