i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
