Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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