you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pappa wants mamma naked
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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