My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
