o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
