There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
