Your face is a jimmy john
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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