He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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