So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
