I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
