She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
