Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
