I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
