did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
