Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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